In the year leading up to that Christmas, my father had left us, I had undergone a very serious heart surgery, and my very brave mom had moved us across the country to the best little city in all of Central California, Fresno. I was 6 years old and despite all that had happened, I still had a fine and dandy attitude towards Christmas. My mom had talked about not having a lot of money and I had told her not to worry because Santa would cover it. In my mind, Santa was pretty much all knowing and the change of circumstances with the move and all hadn't phased him at all. He kept up on things like that. Not to mention, I had just survived a really big surgery so I was pretty confident that I had made the nice list by default.
On Christmas morning, I was proven right. Santa had not only brought gifts for me but he had provided for my mom as well. Thus another year went by with my belief in tact. It wasn't until I was in my 20's that I realized she had bought those gifts herself. She had gone to some dollar store or Walmart and bought herself the cheapest perfumes and soaps she could find and wrapped them up for herself. What an amazing mom I have. I thought that to myself last night as I laid there over thinking the anxiety of my current life. Twenty seven years ago, this twenty nine year old woman without a college degree was the single mother to a child with a heart condition. She had been abandoned by her alcoholic husband. She had no real support system and no money. She worked her ass off to provide a home for her kid and with the spare income she had, she put that kid in dance classes. She had nothing and there truly were no gifts coming for her from anybody that year. That wasn't what concerned her, though. She just wanted to make sure her kid still believed in magic. She wanted me to believe that no matter what, things would work out. She still does that. She listens to me rant and rave about the various tragedies of my blessed life. She still makes sure that even though it's just us, we have Christmas decorations up. It's worth repeating that she is an amazing mom. Later on that Christmas day, we sat in front of our 1985 television and VCR and watched The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas. It was pretty much the best Christmas ever. It is still a long standing tradition to watch as many cheesy Christmas movies as you possibly can between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Ironically, Dolly Parton was on Kelly and Michael this morning. She has such a great spirit about her. It made me purchase Hard Candy Christmas from iTunes and I have listened to it on repeat for hours. I think this is how my mom must have felt that Christmas. She was barely getting through tomorrow and despite everything that could bring her down she kept telling herself she would be fine. Rather then see the loss, she saw the possibilities of maybe. It's why she is today a fully educated professor with a great following of students who fight to get into her classes. They, like I do, see a woman with great spirit who works as hard as she can to make others happy and successful.
Tonight I told her about my memory and she said she was grateful for everything she had to deal with back then. It kept her grounded. I suppose that is a good way to look at it. I would now like to one more time say that my mom is amazing. She is the greatest role model I could ask for. She is beautiful and talented. She gives much more then she gets. If this blog had a place for a song, I would play Hard Candy Christmas and dedicate it to her. As stressful as life gets and as hard as times can seem, I am so grateful to whoever put us together out there. I suppose that is what grounds me. I'll be fine...Merry Christmas to all the single parents out there. Maybe your kids don't see everything you do ight now, but they will someday, You'll be fine too.
